


Breaking Even

by Loneylovelyandlethal



Category: Free!
Genre: Fluff, Haru is just as dumb as Makoto about his feelings, How do tags?, M/M, Reigisa as background characters, Romance, Smut, but at least he asks for help, now with 100 percent more smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-10-05
Packaged: 2018-02-19 04:21:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2374346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loneylovelyandlethal/pseuds/Loneylovelyandlethal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haru thinks feelings are weird. Most of all those he has for his best friend. When Haru realizes what is going on, he makes an effort to help Makoto do the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Out of Focus](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2366747) by [Loneylovelyandlethal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loneylovelyandlethal/pseuds/Loneylovelyandlethal). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my other fic I said that I should probably have written it from Haru's POV...well now I have.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I just want to play with them a little.

The first time he observes it, he's curious and a little proud of his friend. The second time, he's confused about a lot of things, most of all himself. The third time, he prays for the strength to not drown the girl-of-the-day in the nearest body of water.

He should have seen this coming. He would have to be delusional to not acknowledge that Makoto was probably one of the most handsome guys he has ever seen. Tall, muscles in all the right places, shaggy hair and the warmest green eyes. And he would have to be even more delusional to think others wouldn't notice. Not even taking into account that Makoto was the nicest and kindest person on the planet.

It was completely normal to feel this way, _right?_ That sort of sharp clenching around his heart, and that prickly feeling crawling up the back of his neck, making him feel like a cat with bristled fur? Haru had never been good at decoding emotions, least of all his own. Makoto was the only one he could always get a clear read on. 

When they meet again for dinner at their favourite ramen place and Makoto tells him, ears pink and shoulders slouched in embarrassment, that another one had approacheed him after class today, Haru just barely manages to not snap his chopsticks in half. 

A crawling feeling running across his skull that makes his hair want to stand on edge, a flash of heat turning the edges of his vision red for an instant. Little jolts of electricity running through his fingertips. Hmm. He stores the feeling away for later inspection.

What did Makoto expect though? Running around in his stupid unbuttoned plaid shirt with his sleeves rolled up. Who even wears those. And that ridiculous black v-neck? And then he had the audacity to wear those lame glasses, too. Talk about overkill. 

“I felt so bad, Haru! She was so nice and I had to let her down. She looked like a kicked puppy, Haru! I'm a bad person.” Makoto slumps forward, burying his face in his hands, sighing deeply, apparently resigned to his fate as a reluctant heartbreaker.

Haru thinks it's adorable. And also really dumb.

“You're not.”

“What?”

“A bad person.” 

Makoto's face resurfaces from behind his hands when he does his trademark smile and head tilt, and really, how does he expect people not to fall for him when he does stuff like this. _Thanks Haru_ is what he says, without saying anything.

They eat their meals while Makoto complains to Haru about his economy class. _Why does he even have to take such a class in he first place when he wants to be a swimming teacher for children?_ He whines.  
 _Because you'll have your own swim school one day and you'll need to know how to run it, idiot._ But Haru just nods and peeks his head into the book Makoto is trying very hard to set on fire with his glare. Something about expenses and returns and breaking even.

Haru notices with a start that their shoulders are touching, and his first impulse is to lean in even closer to the solidity and warmth of his friend, but pulling away is the sensible thing to do, and so he wills himself to sit back a little. It feels weirdly like he's working against gravity, but not quite. Haru adds it to the ever growing list of feelings he needs to explore at some point.

He couldn't identify what was happening to him, and he didn't like it. Haru liked for things to be clear and uncomplicated. Like swimming. Simple stuff. All those weird crawlings and pricklings and joltings going on underneath his skin without his permission were anything but simple.

He calls Nagisa that night, concluding that his old friend, who always displayed all of his emotions for the whole world to see, without hesitation, was probably a good person to ask. His dislike for phonecalls be damned.

Nagisa laughs at him. A hearty, booming, smug laugh that made him snort like a pig with every inhale.

“Haru-chan is dumb.” he manages to squeeze out between wheezes. _Wait, why am I calling you again?_ He bites his tongue and just huffs into his phone.

“I'm sorry. Describe it to me again.” Haru was fairly sure by now that Nagisa had the attention span of a fruit fly. It's not like this was easy for him.

“It's just this sort of warmth. And I feel...safe? And...uhm... you remember how we snuck out at night and walked through the hills behind the graveyard under the power lines when we were kids, and our hairs would kinda stand up from all the static, but in a good way? Like that.”

“Aww Haru-chan is such a romantic! I think you liiike hiiimmm.” Nagisa almost sings. 

“Of course I do, he's my friend.” Maybe Nagisa wasn't as smart as he'd thought.

“No I mean as more than friends, you silly!”

“..."

"That would be stupid.” It seems he had definitely given Nagisa more credit than he deserved on this topic. But then, he _was_ the one with the boyfriend, so maybe... 

“Haru-chan, listen.” Nagisa's voice suddenly drops what feels like ten octaves. 

“I know what you're going through. It was the same with me and Rei-chan. I knew I really liked him basically from the start, but I always chalked it up to him being such a dork, the complete opposite of what you'd think about him at first sight. But then, when you guys were gone...” Nagisa takes a shuddering breath and continues “we missed you both a lot, and so we started spending more and more time together. I started to feel lonely whenever Rei wasn't around, and whenever we met I just couldn't stop smiling. When I realized what was going on, I was scared at first, what would my parents say, what if Rei-chan didn't feel the same way...but it turns out I was afraid for no reason because he confessed to me and we kissed and then we snuggled on his bed and...”

“Nagisa that's enough!” Haru has no desire to know any more about two of his best friends' sex life, what Nagisa told him the first time they talked about their relationship was enough mental scarring for a lifetime.

“So I'm in love with Makoto is what you're saying.”

“Yeeeesss, I know these things, Haru-chan.” 

His first instinct was to completely dismiss this silly notion, but what Nagisa had described seemed oddly familiar. _Well then_ , maybe I'm in love with my best friend.

“So what now?” 

“What do you mean what now, of course you run straight into his arms and you make out and afterwards you call me and tell me how it was!” Ugh, _Nagisa..._

“But...” But what if I ruin everything? What if he doesn't feel the same? What if I lose my best friend?

“Ooooh, is Haru-chan afraid that Mako-chan doesn't like him back? Well I think Mako-chan has always liked Haru-chan! And you two always go out together anyways, and you know everything about each other. The only thing that would change if you were together is that you'd have the added bonus of cuddles and sex!” Haru cringes at that last part, but he has to admit he is a little bit intrigued... what would it be like to kiss Makoto? Or to...he shudders at the thought of his strong arms around his smaller frame, his broad body pinning him down on the bed, his hands running along his thighs towards his.... 

_Dammit_...why did Nagisa always have to be right.

Haru huffs in defeat. “So what do I do now?”

“Yayy Haru chan's in looove! Let me talk to Rei-chan, we will come up with the best plan to win Mako-chan's heart, and then the four of us can go on a double date when you come back to Iwatobi next time! I can't wait!”

And then Nagisa has hung up on him and Haru stares at his phone in disbelief. He figures that while he waits for his friend to call back with a plan of action, he'll take a crack at identifying all those confusing feelings he keeps piling up. Maybe there was a different answer right in front of his nose. Preferably one that didn't mean jeopardizing an almost life-long friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, the title does not refer to that one song. Dun dun dunnn.
> 
> I'm going to try and make this fic a little bit longer than the other one, so it should be either three or four chapters, I am still a bit undecided.  
> Haru is probably ooc, but I can relate to him a lot and I love him, so I miiight be projecting a little. A teeny tiny bit. Maybe. 
> 
> More impeccable love advice from the mothership Reigisa in the next chapter, and if you have read Out of Focus, you might start to recognize some things.
> 
> Come yell at me over on levi-two-hands@tumblr.com


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei and Nagisa come up with a totally absolutely foolproof plan, and Haru doesn't know what he even feels anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I lied I'm sorry, there's no stuff from Out of Focus yet, but I had a terrible, no good, very bad day, and I just wanted to get this out there. 
> 
> Also I changed the rating to M...it's all Haru's fault! I may or may not plan to get smutty in this fic at some point...maybe...

He's already lying in bed, half-asleep and grouchy because Nagisa still hasn't called, when Haru decides to think this through again.

_So I'm in love with Makoto. Hm._

He tries to conjure up some of the cheesy romance movies Nagisa has made them all watch over the years, and tries to remember what the people in those acted like. Usually there's a lot of pining after each other, lots of sighs and dreamy looks behind the other's back.  
But he wasn't pining after Makoto? He lust looks at him a lot because they usually convey a lot of stuff without words, and he doesn't want to miss ony of his expressions. And there's definitely no sighing going on either, he only huffs every once in a while when Makoto does or says something irritating.  
Then they also always try to touch the other and be as close as possible. But he does't do that either? In fact, Haru barely ever initiates physical contact with anyone. Except when he reaches out for Makoto's hand to pull him out of his tub, or a pool.

And then when the star-crossed lovers would confess their love for each other, there would be all this smiling and staring into each others eyes, and they'd use such flamboyant and flowery language and then the movies would end in a passionate kiss...

Haru has never been one for many words, and often has trouble articulating what he thinks. Except to Makoto. Their mental connection scares even him sometimes. Okay, the kissing thing had been previously established thanks to Nagisa's very much uncalled for suggestive talk.

Still, was this what love feels like? Maybe it's more of an...what's the word...infatuation? Yes, that must be it. Nagisa and his overly active imagination...

He's deep in thought when the annoying ringing of his phone nearly makes him jump out of his skin. Stupid thing. He really doesn't like them, but he has to admit that they're exceptionally convenient, especially in a city as big as Tokyo, and so far away from home.

He takes it from his night stand and gives it the death glare before picking up. Here goes nothing.

“Hello?”

“Good evening, Haruka-senpai. I hope I didn't startle you, it has become quite late. My apologies for taking so long.” Rei... well at least he was easier to deal with at this hour than Nagisa.

“Hello Rei. No, it's fine.”

“I gather you know the reason for this late call.” _Yes I do, and I still can't believe we're doing this._

“Nagisa has informed me that you recently realized your feelings for Makoto-senpai. If I may say so, I am not surprised. Despite not knowing you as long as Nagisa-kun has, I always sensed that there was something more between you two than just friendship.” Why is everyone acting as if he and Makoto are already a thing? And he's probably not even in love with him, people just needed to stop jumping to conclusions.

“What do I do?” _Might aswell go along, too much effort to explain everything._

“Nagisa and I have come to the conclusion that Makoto-senpai needs to make the first move.” _Huh? How so?_ Not that he minded, but just how? Rei was probably getting to that anyway.

“Please don't take this the wrong way, but you are not the best with words, and you might scare him off if you are being too forceful or blunt.” They actually put a bit of thought into this.

“Has Makoto ever showed interest in anyone romantically?”  
“No, not really. He gets asked out a lot but he always declines”  
“Ah, as we thought. And has he told you why that is?”  
“I never asked.”  
“I think it is because he likes you too. He just hasn't realized it yet, so that is what we will make him do.” 

“How?” Haru is intrigued. It's true that Makoto never goes out with anyone, and as he has to admit, it's not because there's a lack of interest. 

They talk for about an hour, devising a - by Rei's admission – foolprof plan, and by the time Haru hangs up the phone he is sure that Rei and Nagisa should never be allowed to make plans together ever again. 

Sleep is completely off the table for now, as Haru debates with himself about how to best set this plan into motion. It would be an effort on his part, but the payoff would be more than enough to make up for it.

 _Payoff..._ Haru thinks about his conversation with Nagisa again, what he had said about the added benefits of a relationship, and he can not help but to start thinking about Makoto's plump lips and strong hands again, what he would taste like, if he would use his tongue or not...

He imagines biting Makoto's lower lip and making him do that adorable little squeak he does whenever he gets flustered. Haru finds that it makes a warm rush go up his spine, and his lips tingle just a little bit. _Now this is a feeling he definitely wants to experience much more of._ He pictures Makoto's strong hands running down his sides, along newly defined muscles(Training was already paying off), and coming to rest on his ass. Haru would wrap his arms around Makoto's wide shoulders as they kissed, leaning even closer into him, and Makoto would gently, always gently, lean his head down to bite and suck at his collarbone, while absentmindedly grinding into him...now that tingly feeling Haru had felt on his lips had descended far more south on his body, and if he entertained more thoughts of this nature right now, he would find himself with a serious problem. _Haruka Nanase, you are not jerking off while imagining yourself having sex with your best friend right now._ He wants to slap himself for letting his mind run away with him like that, then turns around in his bed and wills himself to ignore his half- hard dick and finally fall asleep.

_This plan better work out or I am going to kill Nagisa and Rei._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really not happy with how this chapter turned out. Words are hard. The next one will be longer and better, pinky promise!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what sucks, and not in a good way? Migraines. Migraines suck donkey arse. Especially when they hit you during a creative spree.   
> So this chapter probably also sucks. I really tried. Apologies.

A few days later, Haru finds himself with the perfect opportunity to set his plan into action. He is waiting at their usual meeting spot just outside Makoto's campus, when he notices his friend being held up by a blushing girl, obviously confessing. Makoto is pink in the face and rubs the back of his neck sheepishly, tilting his head in his typical adorable Makoto way, and Haru feels nothing but relief when the girl casts her eyes down with a sad expression on her face. 

_Good._ Otherwise this whole plan would fly right out the window, and I would have to strangle her...that would be inconvenient.

Makoto comes sprinting over, looking at Haru like he is his saviour, still an embarrassed blush colouring his cheeks.

“Don't.” is all he says.

They make their way over to Haru's place, as it had become their habit, where Haru puts his newly acquired cooking skills to the test. Totally not to calm his jittering nerves about what he is going to do later. Not at all. Dinner turns out great, it's not mackerel, which Makoto is more than pleased about, Haru knows, and they chat about everything and nothing.

But with the hour getting late, Haru needs to get himself in gear if he wants to accomplish anything tonight.

A short, comfortable silence has descended on them, and Haru uses the chance. _Here goes nothing_ he thinks, and takes a deep breath.

“Why do you always say no.” Haru hopes he gets the reaction Rei predicted, if not the one he hopes for. 

_Because I already have someone. You._ No, that would be too good.

“What do you mean, Haru.” Stalling. Of course. 

“You never go out with any of them. Why.” Suddenly Haru isn't sure he really wants to know the answer.

Makoto looks absolutely puzzled for a second, before his eyes gloss over and he appearsto be deep in thought. His eyebrows are drawn together, which make his eyes crinkle a bit. It looks adorable. Haru has the sudden urge to reach out and smooth over the small crease between Makoto's eyes with his fingers, but that would probably be counterproductive right now. After a few seconds, Haru becomes a little impatient, and he doesn't like to see Makoto's handsome face hold that worried expression for more than a second or two. He likes it best when Makoto is smiling. That one thousand watt smile that feels like a punch in the heart, but in the best of ways. 

“I don't know, Haru.” Makoto tries to give his 'it's okay, I'm fine' smile, and probably thinks he gets away with it too, but Haru knows he's hit a sore spot, the one that makes all the difference. _Just like Rei said._ Make him make the first move.   
His next words try their hardest to stay in Haru's throat, and he really wants to leave them there to never see the light of day, because what he's probably about to set in motion might very well have the opposite effect of what he wants.

„Maybe you should just give one of them a chance? See what happens?“ Haru cringes inwardly, hoping against hope that Makoto will just realize his feelings for him right here on the spot, so they can skip all of this nonsense.

Makoto looks downright offended, and Haru hopes it's because he's about to slap him upside the head and tell him what and idiot he is and then swoop him into his arms for a perfect kiss. But Makoto has different ideas.

„Why do you want me to go on dates so bad? It's not like you've been going on any!“ 

Defensive. _Dammit._ He's got him there. Haru never felt the need to go out on dates because in retrospect, it's always been about Makoto for him. He desperately wishes Makoto would come to the same realization regarding him. Sure, at the start of the semester there were one or two girls who chatted him up, but they backed off soon enough after Haru glared at them.   
Then he thinks about all the times he's picked Makoto up after classes and they ate dinner together, or the precious saturdays when they would go swimming together at the public pool. Those could count as dates, but that wasn't something he could tell Makoto to his face right now...

“Not really...”

For a second Haru thinks he saw something like jealousy flash through Makoto's eyes, but it was so quick that he dismisses it as wishful thinking.   
This was not going well, probably. He would have to kill Rei and Nagisa after all.   
Haru suddenly doesn't want to do this anymore. Beautiful, foolproof plans be damned. He wants to go to his room and hit his head against a wall repeatedly for knowingly pushing Makoto to go on dates, when all he really wants is to have him for himself. Why couldn't he be more expressive about his feelings, then things would be a lot easier. He could just tell Makoto what his heart has been screaming at him for much longer than he realized, and he'd either get everything he wanted, or get shot down. But Rei was right, he wasn't good with words, and with feelings, and combine the two and he was a trainwreck. On top of that, Makoto was just too insecure to acknowledge his feelings without major prompting, if there were any.   
There were, or so Rei had assured him multiple times during their talk.

No, this would have to do. And if it ended up with Makoto dating someone else, well then Haru guesses he could at least be happy for his friend. Maybe. A little bit.

Makoto must have sensed Haru's distress, and seizing the oportunity to change the topic, he starts babbling about anything and nothing at all. The rest of the evening they are basically back to normal, their serious moment apparently ignored. 

But the seed was planted, there had been that flash of _something_ in Makoto's eyes, and now Haru could only hope that this seed would somehow take root and blossom into some sort of revelation.

It had been a few weeks since then, and Haru has almost given up on ever getting anywhere with Makoto. There was no real change in their interactions, or well, in Makoto's interactions at least. Haru could not get the imagery of lovers on a date out of his head every time they went swimming or had dinner together. It drives him crazy that he somehow, against all his level-headedness and common sense, he never loses that shimmer of hope that this will be the time when Makoto confesses his feelings and swoops him up into his strong arms.

But the time hasn't come so far, and it probably never will. 

A phone call brings him out of his musings. He glares at the annoying object, but his expression softens immediately when he sees who the caller is.  
It wasn't like Makoto never called him during the week, but it was rare. Makoto knew about Haru's dislike for phones, and was always being mindful of it.

“Hello?” 

“Hey Haru, it's me.” Of course it's you, otherwise I wouldn't have picked up the phone in the first place.

“Hi.” He never knew how to talk to people over the phone so he stuck to the bare necessities.

“I uhh...” _Oh?_ Something was definitely wrong. Makoto has that guilty inflection in his voice that he gets whenever he thinks he is disappointing someone. Haru can just picture his face. Brows creased together in worry, shoulders slouched forward, a slight tint of pink on his cheeks.

“Yes?”

“Listen, I'm so sorry Haru-chan, but I can't have dinner with you after school tomorrow. Something came up.”

That's odd. Makoto usually never cancels on him, at least not with only a days notice.

“Is something wrong?” 

“No, uhh...actually..well actually... I have a date.” _Oh._ There is is. 

Haru feels his heart drop down to his stomach, and then right on through the floor and probably into the pits of hell. _Oh._  
This... this was not a good feeling. He should feel good about this, since this is what Rei and Nagisa had convinced him to get Makoto to do. Make him go on a date, which will help him realize that he's hopelessly in love with you. 

Right now Haru thinks this was probably the single most stupid idea in human history. Well maybe not that, but close enough. He wants to yell at something, somebody, preferably himself. Or reach through the phone and shake Makoto until he comes to his senses.

_I don't want you to date anyone but me._ For a second he considers saying that out loud, but then decides against it. The least he could do was try to be a good friend.

“Oh...” Is all he manages to squeeze out.

“Haru... are you mad? I can cancel the date if you want to, really!” _Yes, yes, cancel the stupid date with this stupid person, whoever they are._

“No, it's fine. We can meet up another time. Have fun.” No, it's not fine.  
 _'See what happens'_ is ringing in his ears and he wants to poke out his eardrums with a hot needle, but it's no use.

“Thanks Haru. I'll call you afterwards and tell you how it went.” And with that the line went dead. 

Oh yeah... He was definitely looking forward to _that_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sighs* I had such high hopes for this fic. I'll try to turn it around in the next chap and get Haru back in character. 'Tis time for the good stuff.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally.

The next day is nothing but a giant mess for Haru. 

His morning swim gets interrupted by a fire alarm, which turns out to be a practice stunt for a worst case scenario. Then he forgets half of his notes for class and has to ask random person a sitting next to him for help, and on top of that his lap times during the afternoon training session are atrocious.

His brain tries to play a prank on him by making him forget that he's not meeting Makoto for dinner, and his mood soars momentarily, only to drop down into what feels like the depths of the Marianas Trench when he remembers.

 _Makoto is on a date._ With someone who's not him. Probably enjoying himself and completely swooping them off their feet, because he was Makoto and how was this going to go another way, honestly.

Haru feels an army of fire ants crawling under his skin, cumulating at the crown of his head, and he thinks his hair might catch on fire if it wasn't wet from his shower. Jealous. He had puzzled that much together by now, oh so jealous. Of an _ominous someone_ who's on a date with his best friend and the guy he is apparently, stupidly, in love with. Right now. Probably looking into those captivating green eyes, witnessing that warm smile that could cause global warming. 

Repeating Rei's assuring words in his head like a mantra doesn't help either. He likes you too, he just needs to realize it.

Yeah but what if not. _But what if._

But what if not?

Haru tries to distract himself with homework, tries to not look at the clock and await and dread Makoto's promised phone call. His twitching leg and the pen that gets tapped against the paper repeatedly are a sign of how well that is going. His task is to put together a diet plan for an athlete on winter break. How was he supposed to do that when he's only been studying this stuff for a little over four months? His textbook isn't helpful either. The words swim together in front of his eyes, and he has half a mind to just throw the damn thing against the nearest wall, or cook it into a soup and put that on the hypothetical athlete's diet for good measure. 

It's no use. A glance at the clock tells Haru it's almost seven, and he tries not to think about what Makoto might be doing right now. If Haru had been with him they would be done with dinner by now, walking to the nearest subway station together where they would say their goodbyes and make plans to call each other the next day. Now he was with someone else, probably making plans for a second date, walking to wherever it was they were going at that moment. Maybe the _ominous someone_ would even be bold enough to take Makoto's hand, interlace their fingers, and walk like that for a bit. His hand gives off a faint tingle at that, and Haru tries not to bite it off on impulse. He'd still need that hand for swimming.

Now that his mind has boarded that train of thought, he can't seem to get off again. What if the date had the opposite effect of what Haru hoped? What if Makoto and _ominous person_ really got along well. What if they got along _really_ well? What if ominous person is braver than him, giving Makoto a kiss goodbye, or what if they got along really _really_ well and were halfway up to his apartment about to do something Haru didn't even want to even get in the vicinity of thinking about. They were in college after all, and these things were supposed to happen all the time here. 

Haru sees red for an instant, and his jaw clenches together involuntarily, and he swears there is something like a growl stuck somewhere down his throat. 

Anger. White hot anger. He knows that feeling, but who or what is he even angry at? Makoto, for not feeling the same as him, or at the least not realizing it? The one he was on a date with, for getting close to his Makoto? Or himself, for helping in making this disaster happen in the first place and being a jealous jerk about it? Probably all of the above. Fact is, the uncertainty about the outcome of this date is driving him up the walls.

He is ripped out of his thoughts by the shrill ring of his doorbell. 

_That's it._

If his neighbour(who Haru thinks is either the most forgetful woman in the world or a cougar out for his ass) is asking for salt or sugar or some other stupid shit again, he's gonna explode for the first time in his life.

He takes a deep breath and is about to give whoever is on the other side of the door a piece of his mind, when his his look falls on the most beautiful green eyes. The eyes of his best friend. Who is standing in front of him. Right outside his door. Where he is standing. Right now. Here. Yeah his brain has gone on a spontaneous vacation, apparently. 

His best friend looks shaken, and the anger he felt a second ago vanishes with a silent poof. Now there's just confusion. 

“Hi.” Is all Makoto says. He just keeps standing there, not moving a muscle, looking at Haru with an expression he's probably never really seen before. Usually he's able to read his best friend like an open book, but he can't quite figure him out right now.

“Come in.” is all Haru can say. 

_This is probably it. His date went so great that he couldn't wait to tell me about it. He's probably going to say something like “She's so great, I think I'm falling in love!” or maybe even something worse._ He lets Makoto slip past him, and gets a whiff of sweet perfume that definitely doesn't belong to his best friend. When he spots the wrinkled and disheveled shirt underneath Makoto's jacket from the corner of his eye, the anger that left him moments ago returns with full force. Along with something that must be what people call heartbreak.

 _I'm so stupid. What was I thinking. He's probably here to thank me for getting him into the idea of dating. Or getting him laid._ The state of his clothing definitely points to the latter. The most cynical part of Haru's brain debates on whether he should bake him one of these stupid 'congrats on the sex' cakes that people his age apparently found funny.

Makoto is still silent, and Haru guesses it's on him to start the conversation. 

_Might as well get this over with and start my life as a bitter single._ He wonders if he's eligible for the crazy cat lady starter kit yet.

“I thought you had a date.” That comes out much hasher than he intends it to be, but for once he is unable to control his emotions entirely. Oh well. Here we go then. 

“I had, but...” _I had, but then we skipped the dating thing and got kinky in the supply closet next to the lecture hall._ Haru would have laughed at his active imagination, if all of this hadn't been so very depressing.

“It didn't...go well.” 

_Well, that is a thing that has been said._ It couldn't be. No, it couldn't. Haru wills the tiny tingle of giddyness to stay down his throat, but when he asks Makoto why that is, he sounds positively chipper. He never knew he was even capable of making his voice sound like that. 

„Ah...well, we didn't...she wasn't...“ _This is really happening._ Haru feels his heart rate skyrocket and his palms get sweaty. The date didn't go well. It didn't go well because there's something they weren't and something she wasn't. Haru hangs on Makoto's every word. He has to keep himself from leaning forward to catch them right from their source.

„She didn't seem to be all that interested after all.“ Yeah, right. Makoto was the world's worst liar. Something happened. Something happened and Haru is dying to find out what.

„Hm...weird. So what did you do?“ Tell me. Tell me you finally finally found out that you like me, so we can skip this awkwardness and get to the good stuff. _Please._ Makoto gives a defeated sigh. That's it. _Tell me._

„We had coffee, but we didn't find much to talk about. Afterwards I walked her home to her dorm.“ Closer to the truth, but Makoto was still stalling. He looks like the personification of awkwardness right now, the tips of his ears pink, and his eyes darting everywhere.

“And?” 

„Um...“ Here we go. Something big happened to make the date go bad. Spit it out. 

„Ah...well... we kinda made out a little, okay? It was bad, and I'd rather not talk about it.“ It comes rushing out of Makoto as if the words burn his throat, he wants to have it done and over with. 

Haru feels his stomach drop for a moment and the tip of his nose goes numb. But Makoto looks so torn about the subject, there has got to be more behind it. There is something he wants t say but can't. _Make him make the first move. Make him say it._ Usually Haru would drop a topic if the conversation reached this immeasurable level of awkwardness, especially if it is with his best friend, but he has to know right now. 

„Why?“

„What why?“ Makoto looks as if he is ready to bolt any moment now, but there is something in his eyes, his demeanor, that won't let Haru back down now. 

„Why was it bad?“ Rei would be so proud of him right now if he could see him. Haru fixes his eyes on Makoto's and basically makes them scream at him. _Please say what I hope you're about to say. Can't you see that this is killing me?_ Haru can feel his heart doing flip flops inside his ribcage. Tell me. _Tell me._

“Tell me.”

„I... Haru, please...“ Makoto's look holds so many unsaid words and emotions that it takes Haru a while to decipher what he is actually seeing right now. Fear, embarrassment, confusion, and _something else._ Unconsciously, he leans in closer, as if that would make things clearer, as if he could rip the words he wanted to hear right out of Makoto's mind. He looks so lost and torn, it breaks Haru's heart, and he just wants to hold his friend close and tell him it's okay. He wants to help him come to terms with whatever it is he is feeling right now, that ominous _something else_ that is written all over his gorgeous face.

„I...goddammit.“ 

Haru has about one millisecond to see this very _something else_ transform into fiery determination, before Makoto's face is too close and becomes blurry, and another millisecond to recognize the feeling of soft, warm lips on his own. The squeak that comes out of his throat is less one of surprise and more one of _'yes oh my god I can't believe that worked'_ and then he's already kissing back before any of it registers in the conscious part of his brain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, I sure ended that there, ehehe. 
> 
> There will be one more chapter after this one. I'm still not sure if I'll attempt to write the smuts, because well... I've never even written fanfiction before, let alone smut... also I'm a chick and therefore have never had gay sex... hmmm.
> 
> Guess you'll have to read on to find out.
> 
> Comments give me the fuzzies and make me write faster.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There, I lied again. Two more chapters. But honestly it's all this story's fault. The chapter just ran away from me and before I knew what was happening I had typed up roughly 3600 words of fluff and smut. So I decided to split it right down in the middle.
> 
> Here you go.

Haru feels like a ball of cotton candy high on some sort of drug. His brain gets basically turned to mush the second Makoto launches towards him, intent showing clear on his face, and it's all downhill from there. 

He's actually kissing him. He's kissing the guy he has grown up with, whom he considered his best friend for many years and who he's probably been in love with for almost as long. It's only been a short while since he's been able to put a name to these feelings, and an even shorter while since he's been fantasizing about kissing said friend. Nothing he has conjured up in his mind compares to the real thing.

Makoto's lips tremble slightly, and Haru thinks it's adorable how he can be so determined about something one second, and unsure about it the next. Haru helps him along by pressing firmer against him, tilting his head to the side a little more, and bringing up his hands to thread through Makoto's hair, which is much softer than it looks, Haru notices.

Not that he has any clue what he is doing, but he guesses it's a little bit like swimming. Dive in and just keep going until you get it right. This was Makoto, and they were really doing this, so it was okay. Haru is feeling bold for a second and opens his mouth to lick at Makoto's bottom lip, and he thinks he's going to suffer permanent brain damage from the sparks flying around inside of his head when Makoto opens his mouth as well and meets his tongue with his own.  
They go on like this for a while, losing track of time and gaining confidence with every second. The small part of his brain that is not flooded with endorphins right now reminds him that they should probably stop what they're doing for a bit and talk about what this means for them. For their friendship. What they are and where they are going to go from here, but the rest of his body has other plans. 

He sucks on Makoto's bottom lip, gives it an experimental nip for good measure, and just barely manages not to spontaneously combust at the sound that action elicits from his friend...lover...whatever.  
That noise. Whatever it was, he wants to hear it again, and more from where it came from. He wants to be closer to Makoto, so much closer. He moves form his sitting position on the couch, turning his whole body and leaning into him. His hands untangle from where they have wrapped around his neck, and push him down onto his back. Haru straddles his waist and leans down to hungrily capture Makoto's lips again with his own. 

Their chests collide and Makoto has the audacity to grind against him while his hands sneak up to pull him even closer to the solid warmth of his chest. Haru can't help the appreciative moan that slips past his lips. He should be embarrassed by how easily Makoto already plays him like a fiddle, but all it does is turn him on even more. But two can play at this game. Haru bites Makoto's lip again, pulling at it and letting it go with a little wet pop, and grinds back down against where they're both already half hard. They're panting into each other's mouths, foreheads pressed together, eyes dark and pupils dilated with lust, trying to catch their breaths for a second and providing their brains with much needed oxygen. Then Haru's lips trail down to Makoto's jaw, and along his throat to close around his pulse point, where he bites down and sucks a dark bruise into the sensitive skin.

“Hah... Haru...” 

_Shhh... no talking. Talking is hard. This, this is easy. Don't make me stop now._ He's kissing lower, making his way along Makoto's collarbone and down his sternum where it is exposed, while reveling in the smell and taste and feel of skin on his lips. He tucks all of it away in his mind, still expecting to wake up from some sort of twisted dream any second now, because this is simply too good to be true. 

Haru debates the logistical possibilities of undoing Makoto's shirt while continuing to kiss him and not removing his hands from their new home in Makoto's fuzzy soft hair, but can't seem to solve the problem.

Reluctantly, he sits up and lets his hands roam down and back up Makoto's perfect abs once, before undoing the first button on his shirt. This seems to snap Makoto out of his lustful haze though, and his own hands come up to wrap around Haru's smaller ones. 

“Haru...” He doesn't think he has ever heard his own name spoken with so much affection before. Their eyes meet and Haru completely has all the air knocked out of him at the sight of his friend. Makoto's face is flushed pink, lips puffy and red, hair sticking out in every imaginable direction and then some. His pupils are so dilated that there's barely any of that captivating green visible around them, and they're filled with lust, but also with questions and uncertainty. Haru wants to keep going and see where they end up, but he couldn't stand the thought of rushing into something that would make Makoto uncomfortable in any way, so he lets his body fall to the side and rests his head on Makoto's shoulder, one arm wedged between their bodies, and the other one coming to rest on the rapidly beating heart in his chest.

They just lie like that for a while, catching their breaths and processing what just happened. The silence is comfortable, and Haru absent-mindedly starts stroking Makoto's arm, which has come up to lay a hand on the small of Haru's back. 

„Ne, Haru?“ There's so much warmth in that voice that Haru can't be scared of what is going to follow for even a second.

„Hm?“ 

„When you said you were 'not really' going on dates, what did you mean by that?“ _Oh? That got to you, eh?_ Haru makes a mental note to send Rei and Nagisa some sort of present for coming up with this ridiculous plan.

„Why? Were you jealous?“ 

„...yes...“ A big present. And possibly a bouquet of flowers, too.

„Good.“ Haru feels his heart soar, and he's sure he'd float off into space if Makoto wouldn't hold him down with those strong arms he's fantasized about so many times by now. 

„Haru!“ Makoto momentarily turns into a 5 year old and pokes him in the ribs with his index finger. Playful. Happy. The relief and joy Haru feels in this moment can't possibly be measured. They are okay. They are on the same page and they are going to move forward from here on out. Haru can't escape the chuckle that escapes his throat against his explicit command to stay right where it was.

„Well...what would you call all the times we had dinner together after class?“ Makoto's face blanks for a few seconds, and Haru doesn't know much about computers, but he knows that the face in front of him is the human equivalent of the spinning circle of doom. Then something clicks and Haru swears he sees a lightbulb going off in that pretty head of his.

„Wait. Did you make me go on a date on purpose so I would realize how I felt about us? This?!“ Long limbs flail wildly and gesture over both of them, snuggled together on Haru's couch.

Haru could be cheeky if he wanted to. He puts his arms around Makoto's neck again and pulls himself up, so their faces are level, eyes meeting. He lets the grin that has threatened to break free for a while now spread on his face.

”Not really...” 

He just knows he's set himself up for some form of retribution, but rather than fearing whatever reaction he's gonna get, he does a preemptive strike and presses his lips against Makoto's again, swallowing whatever reply he was going to get.

That seems to have done the trick for now, because Makoto doesn't spend anymore time on trying to talk, and lets actions speak instead. His lips part eagerly, as if they haven't just just shared their first kiss twenty minutes ago, and his tongue darts out to wrestle with Haru's again. 

He spares a second to think back on that evening at their favourite ramen place, when he first realized that his feelings for his friend were something other than ordinary, while Makoto whined about economy class. He still remembers what he saw his textbook then, an equation about the point where expenses and returns cancelled each other out, and his formerly unknown inner philosopher thinks that this here, right now, is probably their break even point. They've put in so much work, faith, friendship and maybe even love to arrive here, and everything from now on will be payoff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: The next chapter is nothing but pure, explicit smut with rainbow sparkes on top. If that's not your thing you can just stop reading now. There's zero plot from here on out xD
> 
> Comments give me the fuzzies.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's past 4am and I have come to the conclusion that the smut muse is at her most active when you're on your period, sleep deprived and extremely horny.  
> TMI, I know. but if you're old enough to read about guys fucking each other in the ass, you're old enough to deal with this information.
> 
> Somebody point me to the nearest trashcan, cause that's apparently my natural habitat now. Enjoy!

Makoto probably read his mind again, because he starts to work on that payoff thing immediately by sitting up and pulling Haru into his lap even more firmly. Their kisses grow more heated, all teeth and tongue and little gasps, and the urgency that had faded during their conversation returns with full force. Something in the atmosphere shifts then, and suddenly Haru feels much too clothed. It's almost the same feeling he gets when he's near a body of water. The feeling of fabric constricting him, and now also keeping him from being as close as possible to Makoto.

His hands fly back to the buttons of Makoto's shirt, and it takes all of his willpower to slowly undo them one by one instead of sending them flying through the room with one yank. His lips leave a trail of wet kisses down Makoto's stomach, and when he's nipping at the soft skin right over his belly button, Makoto's hips buck up and his hands squeeze his ass. With a sound somewhere between a groan and a growl he feels himself suddenly being lifted up. His legs hook behind Makoto's back instinctively, and with a short kiss on his lips and the word “bed” in his ears he's being carried away with astonishing ease.

It turns him on more than he'd ever imagined. With a few strides of his long legs Makoto has brought them to their destination, and Haru gets flung on the bed as if he was a doll. Before he's even done bouncing, Makoto's face enters his field of vision, hovering mere inches over him, and he feels his weight setting down between his legs.

_Yep that's it,_

he's going to die right here and now. This is all of his recently developed fantasies rolled into one, and if he wasn't hard before, now he definitely is. He's not the only one though. Makoto grinds his hips, and Haru's eyes roll back in his head and he can't help but moan when he feels Makoto's arousal press right along his. There's a rush of cold air, and somehow Makoto has managed to remove Haru's shirt without him even noticing. Now he's the one receiving hot kisses down his body. The sound that leaves his mouth when he feels a hot tongue circle one of his nipples is embarrassingly loud and well, embarrassing.  
Yeah, his brain has taken a temporary leave of absence. Probably not enough blood up there right now anyway.

His hands clutch at Makoto's hair, his shoulders, his back, everything he can reach to keep him tethered to reality. A hand takes a firm grip of his jutting hip bone and stops the grinding rhythm Haru had set up.

“Haru, hold still for a moment.” Only then does he realize that Makoto has already undone his belt and has one hand on the fly of his jeans.

Their eyes meet for an instant.

“Can I?” _Yes, yes. Oh god yes please._

But he knows that Makoto needs the assurance more for himself than for Haru's sake. Always worrying about others. What a giant dork.

Haru nods and lifts his hips up slightly, Makoto opens the zipper, and then pulls Haru's pants down over his legs, to throw them somewhere probably never to be seen again. There's already a dark spot on his boxers from where his cock is leaking, but Haru is way past the point of embarrassment by now. Makoto's eyes seem fixed on that spot, and Haru's smart mouth gets the better of him.

“Just looking won't do anything for me _or_ you, you know?“ Makoto's entire face flashes pink, but he catches himself after a moment.

“I guess you're right, Haru-chan.” That damn...but he's willing to let it slide just this once.

Makoto leans down and trails his open mouth down his clothed length, so feathery light that Haru thinks he might have imagined it. Shit. _Shitshitshit._

“I didn't think you even owned some of these anymore. I was expecting you to be in your jammers.”

“Oh? You'd like that, huh?”

 _Where had that come from?_ Probably from the same place that now sends flashes of him and Makoto in the pool though his head, both of them half submerged in the water, creating waves around them while they...

“Yes, I'd like that, Haru-chan.” Any comment he might have had dies on Haru's lips as Makoto playfully nips at his cock through his boxers. It's embarrassing how close this gets him to just coming right then and there.

Haru breathes Makoto's name more than he says it, but he gets the hint. He hooks his fingers under Haru's boxers and pulls them down in one fluid motion. Haru notices the slight tremble in his hands, and it reminds him that Makoto isn't nearly as confident as he wants to look, and that he's just as new to this as he is.

Makoto pauses for a moment to look at Haru, and he squirms under that hungry gaze just a little.

“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are, Haru _ka_?”

_Well that does it._

So he apparently likes being called by his full name in bed, who would have thought? He's sitting up within an instant, one hand pulling Makoto in for another heated kiss, the other somehow trying to get his stupid pants out of the way.

With the combined effort of three hands and a little fumbling they manage to get rid of the last barriers between them, and they're both gloriously naked at last.

Haru tries not to stare, he really does, but damn, _damn._ He wants that. All of that. Inside of him. Somehow. Right now.

 

He has ended up in Makoto's lap again while he's leaning against the headboard of his bed. Their dicks are grinding together, making Haru see stars. He can't breathe. He feels like he's drowning. He feels like he's on fire. He doesn't know how he feels except that somehow the universe revolves around the space between him and Makoto, where they are touching, at last.

“Ma...ko...to...mmhpff” he tries to speak without breaking their kiss. It's only a moderate success.

“Makoto...I want you. Inside.” He feels the heat radiating off his face, but he's done caring. The information takes a second to register in Makoto's head, but then his eyes widen in understanding.

“Oh..Ohh god Haru _ka_...” _mmmm yes._ How the hell was he going to survive if Makoto had him figured out already?

“God, I really want to, but we don't have any...”

Haru unceremoniously turns and reaches for the bottom drawer of his nightstand, from where he produces a bottle of lube and a condom.

Makoto narrows his eyes in suspicion, poking a finger in Haru's ribs.

“You were totally banking on this happening!” Ugh, less talk, more sex. _Now._

“Do you want to bicker or do you want to fuck me?” He hopes his face is as deadpan as he wants it to be.

They're kissing again in an instant, and Makoto takes the lube from Haru. He squeezes a little on his hand, and lets it coat his fingers. He reaches around, and slowly traces his middle finger around Haru's hole.  
Haru pushes back against him, and he slides inside of him rather easily.

“Mmmmm...more.”

He can do this. He's done this to himself before, so he can do this with Makoto. Haru takes a deep breath to calm himself down. When a second finger pushes past his initial resistance, it hurts. He winces, and immediately wants to slap himself because now Makoto is frozen in place, not moving a muscle.

“It's okay, Makoto. Just give me a moment.”

  
Haru rocks himself back slowly on the long digits, and distracts himself from the discomfort by, finally, grabbing Makoto's impressive length and giving it a few loving strokes, admiring the way it twitches and gets even harder in the palm of his hand. Makoto moans and bucks up, and Haru thinks it's the sexiest thing he's ever seen. His lover starts unfreezing again, and does a few experimental movements with the fingers inside of him.  
When he brushes against Haru's sweet spot he can't help but throw back his head and moan loudly.

“There. Again.”

Makoto sets a rhythm, dutifully hitting just where Haru craves it most, and Haru measures his hand's strokes to it as well.

The third finger is a challenge, but he'll have to manage that much, otherwise he won't even need to try Makoto's considerably larger member. Makoto senses Haru's struggle somehow, and takes both of their cocks in his free hand, stroking them together. Haru's head helplessly falls onto the strong shoulder in front of him, and the sensations are almost overwhelming. He wants Makoto so badly right now, he doesn't even care if it will hurt a little.

He grabs the condom, unwraps it, stops Makoto's hand from stroking the both of them, and rolls it onto him.

“Now. Please.”

Makotos's cock twitches in anticipation, so he pulls out his fingers with a wet pop, and coats himself in more lube. Then he pauses for a moment and looks into Haru's eyes.

“Haru..do you want to... like this?” Oh, he probably means their position. It's supposed to be easier in doggy style, but he wants to see Makoto's beautiful face when he comes.

“Yes, like this is fine.”

Before Makoto can say anything else, Haru lifts himself up, grabs Makoto's cock with one hand, and guides him to his entrance, their gazes still locked onto one another. It hurts as he slowly takes him in, it burns all the way down to his toes, but he wants it so badly. Makoto's eyes roll back in his head, and Haru can tell it takes every ounce of his willpower to hold still right now.

“Good?” 

 _“Fuck, Haru...”_ If Makoto Tachibana starts cursing, it must be _really_ good.

The pain has turned into a dull sort of throb, it's more of a weird fullness now, and Haru starts moving up and down carefully.

 _Oh, yes. This is it._ He can get used to this. He's lost in the sensation, but he's snapped back to reality when Makoto's willpower apparently meets it's limit and he thrusts into him, hard.

_Holy shit, that felt amazing._

“Ahh, again!” Makoto doesn't need to be told twice, and starts thrusting into Haru, slightly adjusting their position for more leverage, and hitting his prostate dead on this time.

Haru's hands fly around Makoto's neck, his mind zeroing in on the spot where they're joined. 

”Oh god there, right there, yes! More!”  
Haru never thought he'd be this vocal, but it was all Makoto's fault anyway for making him lose his mind like this.

Makoto growls in his hear, and effortlessly flips them around so he's on top again. He immediately starts thrusting, increasing his speed more and more. Haru can tell that he's just as close as he is, from the way his eyes are screwed shut and his mouth hangs open in ecstasy.

“Harder, Makoto. Please. Come on, come for me.”

Haru manages to string together one last somewhat coherent sentence, before his brain is rendered completely useless and he is ovewhelmed with the sensation of Makoto pounding into him with full force. He is wheezing on top of him, sweat dripping down his forehead, his muscles taut like a bowstring, and Haru almost wants to stretch up and lick his skin. Instead, their mouths collide into something vaguely resembling a kiss, wet and sloppy and interrupted by pants and moans. Neither of them are aware of the creaking bedframe or the sound of their sweat-slicked bodies slapping together anymore.

Haru can't possibly hold on any longer, and when Makoto reads his mind again and circles his dick with one of his large hands to jerk him hard and fast, Haru lets himself tumble over the edge and he falls head-first into white hot bliss. His back arches off the mattress and he's vaguely aware of someone moaning Makoto's name obnoxiously loud, and then he's coming all over his stomach in sticky white spurts. Makoto is right behid him, giving a few more desperate thrusts before convulsing, a look of pure ecstasy on his face as he comes silently, with just a sharp exhale and a whimper.

Haru thinks Makoto is the most beautiful person in the world.

He collapses on top of him, the weight welcome to keep him grounded to this earth.  
They're both panting hard, spent and boneless, and Makoto just barely manages to roll over on his side and dispose of the condom somewhere. Haru immediately snuggles into him, breathing in his scent of sweat and sex and something that's purely Makoto. He doesn't even care that he's covered in his own mess. The tip of his nose is tingling, and he only wants to bask in the afterglow for now. Everything else can wait until tomorrow. It's a testament to the extent of their exhaustion that Makoto doesn't even get up to set an alarm for himself.

As Haru drifts off into unconsciousness, limbs tangled with his best-friend-turned-lover, he faintly registers a kiss being planted in his hair and a whispered 'I think I love you, Haru-chan'.

He can't even tell anymore if his 'drop the -chan' was said out loud or not, but the arms around him tighten, and that's enough for him to slip off into the land of dreams.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The next day, Nagisa gets a text message from Haru. It only says 'Thanks' and 'don't tell him', but there's a file attached, and it's a picture Haru took of himself. There's only one of his eyes in frame, and a tiny smirk is half hidden behind the hand holding up a victory sign. There's a very much asleep and very much naked Makoto visible in the background though, and Nagisa has snatched up his phone with the speed of light and is already calling.

“So, Haru-chan, when can I expect my thank you present?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know about you, but really really great orgasms always make my nose tingle. So naturally I had to use that bit of knowledge somehow.
> 
> So, I just lost my smut writing virginity, so be gentle on the crit.
> 
> Comments give me the fuzzies and might make me write more.
> 
> I had fun with this story, and I hope you had, too.  
> Don't forget to read "Out of Focus" to get Makoto's pov, and come yell at me over on tumblr @levi-two-hands!


End file.
